Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Humorous Write-ups from Formal
Brian
Soon after graduating from a long, tedious ordeal at Ryerson University, Mr. Bako went on the successful path into the illustrious, and, as has been described as some, fornificiatious path in printing. Sadly though, Bako would succumb to his facebook addiction, at one point reaching a seemingly unparalleled status per second quota of an update every 4.2 seconds on average, including sleeping periods. After six months of rehab, 2 of them for an unrelated physical aliment, Bako recovered and married Olga, his former nanny. 10 children later, Bako has never faltered from his studious wealth management, keeping tabs on everything his children owe them and reminding them of these facts hourly.
Tami
N**** g-uped get da f**k outta da way! Tami has never said half these things. And she probably won’t. Regardless, Tami goes on in life to create a line of clothing made in entirely from compost, thus ending the age old problem of what to do with the clothes you’re tired of!
Laura
Laura Darcy has toured the world photographing famous bands and is one of the most wanted girls in the music industry. She is HOT shit! Not even John Mayer can get her attention.
Travis
Travis Taylor is still paying off his line of credit debt and regrets each day that he spent $225 on a single shirt, though those silky smooth boxers purchased for 90$ are worth every penny...according to the ladies.
Dominic
B-boppin around the town just wasn’t enough for this up and coming urban hip hopper from the t-dot. He wanted more, he needed more. Opening up his own chain of waffle fries franchises and applicable merchandising ventures, such as the “Waffle Copter” and “Fries Chopper” led him to great success both on and off the streets.
Mainul
His tumultuous life has been the subject of many biographies. Sticking it to the man upstairs, fighting against the machine, these are the causes he has fought for. Big Boss style, boss money, peace out.
Daniel
While on a cross Canada tour, young Daniel was spotted from a surging crow by Evanescence and called on to stage to perform in a life changing experience. Producers realized the potential marketability of Daniel’s talent, showcasing him as part punk retro throwback death metal musician, part folk artist. 8 Grammy’s and counting, can anything hold back this superstar?
Samantha
Samantha combined her love veganism and engineering to design the world’s first corvette made from 80% vegetable material, with 22% still growing. An impressive feat to be sure, which garnered her the coveted Very Vegan Vehicle of the Vear Vavard.
Kyla
Being a part of the Froster Street Team pushed Kyla over the edge and nearly to her own demise. Hiding her stress from employers and target audience alike left her worries to percolate in the depths of her mind, eventually being called forth in a most violent spasm when she was forced into attending a Junk Food Anonymous (JFA) conference in which she ate a Twinkie. She remains at St. Johns Mental Institute to this day.
Michelle
Michelle strikes gold after pitching her hit tv show Batch NATION to MTV which quickly takes off as a television phenomenon, engendering a whole new culture of batches everywhere. Though Michelle earns fame, notoriety, and wealth, her life remains loveless… until she is reunited with Abby in a plot thickening turn of events to be detailed in Abby’s address.
Arvee
Half poet and half architect, Arvee went on to become one of the most influential business analysis in the game. His incomparable drafting abilities and melodic harmonies, coupled with his too cool for school attitude puzzled many a analysis but the results showed that business ain’t all about the rubber band banks.
Omar
Omar spat on a car one too many times, when crossing through Pape and Danforth an unsavoury gob of his struck a member of the Yakuza’s entourage. His body was found in the Don River weeks later, wrapped in seaweed. Rest in Sushi friend.
Ross
After an extended holiday in Brazil following a drought of lemons in Scotland, Ross build an incredibly deep tan, and began to look Brazilian. It was a fateful day when Ross, minding his own business in the Favela, encountered a Barcelona football scout named Roja Dejeveo Antonio McCloud. McCloud asked Ross if he would be willing to come to Barcelona for a scouting session, to which Ross replied “I can not do it McCloud.” Thus is the banality of life.
Zakiya
Post Dr. Neoprene’s invention of the automatic animation machine, someone needed to take car of all the gummy bears brought to life! Right!? Zakiya pioneers the art of Gummy bear education, paediatric nutrition, and quintuple bypass surgery on these chewy and edible friends of ours.
Sarah
Poor Sarah really should have seen a doctor and taken a mammogram. In her late 90’s she perishes of natural causes at peace with the world and her death.
Annie
Finally settling on Annie Version 7.09 OSX SunBear Millennium Edition Mark IV. Annie became a nun vowed to silence working the hills of Timmons, toiling at her work in dignified humility , thanking the good lord for her blessings each day.
Sam
Elected to the Marijuana Party of Canada in early 2016, he led a fierce campaign advocating the proper treatment of puppies. This puzzled many of his core grass roots supporters, and though a few words of dissent where thrown around in the haze of basements and garages everywhere, no action was taken place.
Malcolm
Knew that it ain’t no thang like a g-strang. This ever present motto led him to become one of the most outspoken war proponents of the 21st century, with many a journalist likening him to General Patton.
Chris
Ask me for a better story… (edit: Chris)
Alex
She’s gotta a plan to get us out of here, been working at the convenience store managed to save just a little bit of money. Won’t have to drive to far. Just cross the border and into the city.
Abby
It was a winding road that led to the tiny Victorian cottage, tucked into a hill. Abby watched Michelle with gilded eyes, scanning the handsome face, the bold 'Stewart' nose, finally resting on the inset dimple locked into her rugged right cheek. Her pulse quickened, and regions of her soul and body awakened where they had never done before. A blackbird called from a sycamore tree, hush said the leaves and the twinged branches, they locked eyes. 9 months later… there were thousands of children born unto the world, none from Abby or Michelle. And they were fine with that.
Chelsea
With her never ending love for children Chelsea Hearty became the Mother Theresa of the 21st century by taking in orphaned and sick children in need of her help. Oft seen with 20 plus children suckling at her teet, she continues to grow her plethora of offspring.
Sanja
Infamously dating, 8 of the 16 men on the Russian volleyball team, Sanja found her self with more children then even she had initially planned on. Fed on a diet of squash soup, her children grew up big and strong, though mildly resentful of the tedious nature of their diet.
Michela
Michela Pescatore-Tardioli is the number one Lady Gaga stalker. She has had too many charges to count and has a restraining order stopping her from coming within 1000 feet from Gaga. This does not stop her from trying to get as close to her as possible whether that be by plane, train, camel or dingo.
Irene
Irene eats raw bacon and DIES. LOL Jk JK. That’s only half the story. For the other half please go search trichinosis on google.
Tim
Jacked up and good to go, this high rolling masters grad knew he had a special calling. Designing culinary artwork in avant garde setting’s, such as O’Keefe Lane, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His cake themed phallic metaphorical pieces have brought innumerable cultures and persons from different walks of life into a shared enjoyment of finer things.
Matt
Hugs, warm fuzzies, snuggling under a blanket with a hot cup of cocoa, these are the things people recall of Matt Balega. T’was in the moon of wintertime when Matt lay basking under the warm glow of the sun, yes, it was a tragic day. Poor Matt lay within the death ensnaring drop zone of a coconut tree when a singularly time altering stem snapped, releasing 4 kg of potentially life threatening white meat towards dearest Matty. Then a grenade haplessly placed by a wondering ombudsman exploded, killing matt and rendering the coconut milk useless. Rest in pieces.
Mark
Critically acclaimed as a “virtuoso, breaking boundaries left right and center stage” Mark struck gold when he dropped the trumpet and picked up the electric tambourine. Going on a sold out Oriental Tour, Mark would have gone on to hit it big in the bourgeoning electric tambourine demographic in North America, had not a boisterous crowd in Pyongyang North Korea resulted in 40,000 citizens been executed for sympathizing with the white devil.
Lindsay
Writing three best selling books, the most prominent being her first work, The Nutritionist Gustapo, Lindsay turned away from the glitz and glam of the food literature world to seek personal fulfilment through the education of the Mgawai children, in the shanty towns of Nigeria.
Soon after graduating from a long, tedious ordeal at Ryerson University, Mr. Bako went on the successful path into the illustrious, and, as has been described as some, fornificiatious path in printing. Sadly though, Bako would succumb to his facebook addiction, at one point reaching a seemingly unparalleled status per second quota of an update every 4.2 seconds on average, including sleeping periods. After six months of rehab, 2 of them for an unrelated physical aliment, Bako recovered and married Olga, his former nanny. 10 children later, Bako has never faltered from his studious wealth management, keeping tabs on everything his children owe them and reminding them of these facts hourly.
Tami
N**** g-uped get da f**k outta da way! Tami has never said half these things. And she probably won’t. Regardless, Tami goes on in life to create a line of clothing made in entirely from compost, thus ending the age old problem of what to do with the clothes you’re tired of!
Laura
Laura Darcy has toured the world photographing famous bands and is one of the most wanted girls in the music industry. She is HOT shit! Not even John Mayer can get her attention.
Travis
Travis Taylor is still paying off his line of credit debt and regrets each day that he spent $225 on a single shirt, though those silky smooth boxers purchased for 90$ are worth every penny...according to the ladies.
Dominic
B-boppin around the town just wasn’t enough for this up and coming urban hip hopper from the t-dot. He wanted more, he needed more. Opening up his own chain of waffle fries franchises and applicable merchandising ventures, such as the “Waffle Copter” and “Fries Chopper” led him to great success both on and off the streets.
Mainul
His tumultuous life has been the subject of many biographies. Sticking it to the man upstairs, fighting against the machine, these are the causes he has fought for. Big Boss style, boss money, peace out.
Daniel
While on a cross Canada tour, young Daniel was spotted from a surging crow by Evanescence and called on to stage to perform in a life changing experience. Producers realized the potential marketability of Daniel’s talent, showcasing him as part punk retro throwback death metal musician, part folk artist. 8 Grammy’s and counting, can anything hold back this superstar?
Samantha
Samantha combined her love veganism and engineering to design the world’s first corvette made from 80% vegetable material, with 22% still growing. An impressive feat to be sure, which garnered her the coveted Very Vegan Vehicle of the Vear Vavard.
Kyla
Being a part of the Froster Street Team pushed Kyla over the edge and nearly to her own demise. Hiding her stress from employers and target audience alike left her worries to percolate in the depths of her mind, eventually being called forth in a most violent spasm when she was forced into attending a Junk Food Anonymous (JFA) conference in which she ate a Twinkie. She remains at St. Johns Mental Institute to this day.
Michelle
Michelle strikes gold after pitching her hit tv show Batch NATION to MTV which quickly takes off as a television phenomenon, engendering a whole new culture of batches everywhere. Though Michelle earns fame, notoriety, and wealth, her life remains loveless… until she is reunited with Abby in a plot thickening turn of events to be detailed in Abby’s address.
Arvee
Half poet and half architect, Arvee went on to become one of the most influential business analysis in the game. His incomparable drafting abilities and melodic harmonies, coupled with his too cool for school attitude puzzled many a analysis but the results showed that business ain’t all about the rubber band banks.
Omar
Omar spat on a car one too many times, when crossing through Pape and Danforth an unsavoury gob of his struck a member of the Yakuza’s entourage. His body was found in the Don River weeks later, wrapped in seaweed. Rest in Sushi friend.
Ross
After an extended holiday in Brazil following a drought of lemons in Scotland, Ross build an incredibly deep tan, and began to look Brazilian. It was a fateful day when Ross, minding his own business in the Favela, encountered a Barcelona football scout named Roja Dejeveo Antonio McCloud. McCloud asked Ross if he would be willing to come to Barcelona for a scouting session, to which Ross replied “I can not do it McCloud.” Thus is the banality of life.
Zakiya
Post Dr. Neoprene’s invention of the automatic animation machine, someone needed to take car of all the gummy bears brought to life! Right!? Zakiya pioneers the art of Gummy bear education, paediatric nutrition, and quintuple bypass surgery on these chewy and edible friends of ours.
Sarah
Poor Sarah really should have seen a doctor and taken a mammogram. In her late 90’s she perishes of natural causes at peace with the world and her death.
Annie
Finally settling on Annie Version 7.09 OSX SunBear Millennium Edition Mark IV. Annie became a nun vowed to silence working the hills of Timmons, toiling at her work in dignified humility , thanking the good lord for her blessings each day.
Sam
Elected to the Marijuana Party of Canada in early 2016, he led a fierce campaign advocating the proper treatment of puppies. This puzzled many of his core grass roots supporters, and though a few words of dissent where thrown around in the haze of basements and garages everywhere, no action was taken place.
Malcolm
Knew that it ain’t no thang like a g-strang. This ever present motto led him to become one of the most outspoken war proponents of the 21st century, with many a journalist likening him to General Patton.
Chris
Ask me for a better story… (edit: Chris)
Alex
She’s gotta a plan to get us out of here, been working at the convenience store managed to save just a little bit of money. Won’t have to drive to far. Just cross the border and into the city.
Abby
It was a winding road that led to the tiny Victorian cottage, tucked into a hill. Abby watched Michelle with gilded eyes, scanning the handsome face, the bold 'Stewart' nose, finally resting on the inset dimple locked into her rugged right cheek. Her pulse quickened, and regions of her soul and body awakened where they had never done before. A blackbird called from a sycamore tree, hush said the leaves and the twinged branches, they locked eyes. 9 months later… there were thousands of children born unto the world, none from Abby or Michelle. And they were fine with that.
Chelsea
With her never ending love for children Chelsea Hearty became the Mother Theresa of the 21st century by taking in orphaned and sick children in need of her help. Oft seen with 20 plus children suckling at her teet, she continues to grow her plethora of offspring.
Sanja
Infamously dating, 8 of the 16 men on the Russian volleyball team, Sanja found her self with more children then even she had initially planned on. Fed on a diet of squash soup, her children grew up big and strong, though mildly resentful of the tedious nature of their diet.
Michela
Michela Pescatore-Tardioli is the number one Lady Gaga stalker. She has had too many charges to count and has a restraining order stopping her from coming within 1000 feet from Gaga. This does not stop her from trying to get as close to her as possible whether that be by plane, train, camel or dingo.
Irene
Irene eats raw bacon and DIES. LOL Jk JK. That’s only half the story. For the other half please go search trichinosis on google.
Tim
Jacked up and good to go, this high rolling masters grad knew he had a special calling. Designing culinary artwork in avant garde setting’s, such as O’Keefe Lane, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His cake themed phallic metaphorical pieces have brought innumerable cultures and persons from different walks of life into a shared enjoyment of finer things.
Matt
Hugs, warm fuzzies, snuggling under a blanket with a hot cup of cocoa, these are the things people recall of Matt Balega. T’was in the moon of wintertime when Matt lay basking under the warm glow of the sun, yes, it was a tragic day. Poor Matt lay within the death ensnaring drop zone of a coconut tree when a singularly time altering stem snapped, releasing 4 kg of potentially life threatening white meat towards dearest Matty. Then a grenade haplessly placed by a wondering ombudsman exploded, killing matt and rendering the coconut milk useless. Rest in pieces.
Mark
Critically acclaimed as a “virtuoso, breaking boundaries left right and center stage” Mark struck gold when he dropped the trumpet and picked up the electric tambourine. Going on a sold out Oriental Tour, Mark would have gone on to hit it big in the bourgeoning electric tambourine demographic in North America, had not a boisterous crowd in Pyongyang North Korea resulted in 40,000 citizens been executed for sympathizing with the white devil.
Lindsay
Writing three best selling books, the most prominent being her first work, The Nutritionist Gustapo, Lindsay turned away from the glitz and glam of the food literature world to seek personal fulfilment through the education of the Mgawai children, in the shanty towns of Nigeria.
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