Wednesday, June 23, 2010

New Orientation Website

The amazing people in charge of orientation 2010-2011 have put together this visulally stimulative, all encompassing website to provide all the information one could ever want on O-week.
Check it out:

www.residenceorientation.com

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Everyone Loves BJ's

        


        


Humorous Write-ups from Formal






Brian
Soon after graduating from a long, tedious ordeal at Ryerson University, Mr. Bako went on the successful path into the illustrious, and, as has been described as some, fornificiatious path in printing.  Sadly though, Bako would succumb to his facebook addiction, at one point reaching a seemingly unparalleled status per second quota of an update every 4.2 seconds on average, including sleeping periods.  After six months of rehab, 2 of them for an unrelated physical aliment, Bako recovered and married Olga, his former nanny.  10 children later, Bako has never faltered from his studious wealth management, keeping tabs on everything his children owe them and reminding them of these facts hourly.  


Tami
N**** g-uped get da f**k outta da way!  Tami has never said half these things.  And she probably won’t.  Regardless, Tami goes on in life to create a line of clothing made in entirely from compost,  thus ending the age old problem of what to do with the clothes you’re tired of!
Laura
Laura Darcy has toured the world photographing famous bands and is one of the most wanted girls in the music industry. She is HOT shit! Not even John Mayer can get her attention. 
Travis
Travis Taylor is still paying off his line of credit debt and regrets each day that he spent $225 on a single shirt, though those silky smooth boxers purchased for 90$ are worth every penny...according to the ladies.
Dominic
B-boppin around the town just wasn’t enough for this up and coming urban hip hopper from the t-dot.  He wanted more, he needed more.  Opening up his own chain of waffle fries franchises and applicable merchandising ventures, such as the “Waffle Copter” and “Fries Chopper” led him to great success both on and off the streets.  
Mainul
His tumultuous life has been the subject of many biographies.  Sticking it to the man upstairs, fighting against the machine, these are the causes he has fought for. Big Boss style, boss money, peace out. 
Daniel
While on a cross Canada tour, young Daniel was spotted from a surging crow by Evanescence and called on to stage to perform in a life changing experience.  Producers realized the potential marketability of Daniel’s talent, showcasing him as part punk retro throwback death metal musician, part folk artist.  8 Grammy’s and counting, can anything hold back this superstar?  
Samantha
Samantha combined her love veganism and engineering to design the world’s first corvette made from 80% vegetable material, with 22% still growing.  An impressive feat to be sure, which garnered her the coveted Very Vegan Vehicle of the Vear Vavard.  
Kyla
Being a part of the Froster Street Team pushed Kyla over the edge and nearly to her own demise.  Hiding her stress from employers and target audience alike left her worries to percolate in the depths of her mind, eventually being called forth in a most violent spasm when she was forced into attending a Junk Food Anonymous (JFA) conference in which she ate a Twinkie.  She remains at St. Johns Mental Institute to this day.  


Michelle
Michelle strikes gold after pitching her hit tv show Batch NATION to MTV which quickly takes off as a television phenomenon, engendering a whole new culture of batches everywhere. Though Michelle earns fame, notoriety, and wealth, her life remains loveless… until she is reunited with Abby in a plot thickening turn of events to be detailed in Abby’s address.  



Arvee
Half poet and half architect, Arvee went on to become one of the most influential business analysis in the game. His incomparable drafting abilities and melodic harmonies, coupled with his too cool for school attitude puzzled many a analysis but the results showed that business ain’t all about the rubber band banks.
Omar
Omar spat on a car one too many times, when crossing through Pape and Danforth an unsavoury gob of his struck a member of the Yakuza’s entourage.  His body was found in the Don River weeks later, wrapped in seaweed.  Rest in Sushi friend.  
Ross
After an extended holiday in Brazil following a drought of lemons in Scotland, Ross build an incredibly deep tan, and began to look Brazilian.  It was a fateful day when Ross, minding his own business in the Favela, encountered a Barcelona football scout named Roja Dejeveo Antonio McCloud.  McCloud asked Ross if he would be willing to come to Barcelona for a scouting session, to which Ross replied “I can not do it McCloud.” Thus is the banality of life.  
Zakiya
Post Dr. Neoprene’s invention of the automatic animation machine, someone needed to take car of all the gummy bears brought to life! Right!?  Zakiya pioneers the art of Gummy bear education, paediatric nutrition, and quintuple bypass surgery on these chewy and edible friends of ours.  


Sarah
Poor Sarah really should have seen a doctor and taken a mammogram.  In her late 90’s she perishes of natural causes at peace with the world and her death.  
Annie
Finally settling on Annie Version 7.09 OSX SunBear Millennium Edition Mark IV.  Annie became a nun vowed to silence working the hills of Timmons, toiling at her work in dignified humility , thanking the good lord for her blessings each day. 
Sam
Elected to the Marijuana Party of Canada in early 2016, he led a fierce campaign advocating the proper treatment of puppies.  This puzzled many of his core grass roots supporters, and though a few words of dissent where thrown around in the haze of basements and garages everywhere, no action was taken place.  



Malcolm
Knew that it ain’t no thang like a g-strang. This ever present motto led him to become one of the most outspoken war proponents of the 21st century, with many a journalist likening him to General Patton.  


Chris
Ask me for a better story… (edit: Chris)
Alex
She’s gotta a plan to get us out of here, been working at the convenience store managed to save just a little bit of money.  Won’t have to drive to far.  Just cross the border and into the city. 

Abby
It was a winding road that led to the tiny Victorian cottage, tucked into a hill.  Abby watched Michelle with gilded eyes, scanning the handsome face, the bold 'Stewart' nose, finally resting on the inset dimple locked into her rugged right cheek.  Her pulse quickened, and regions of her soul and body awakened where they had never done before.  A blackbird called from a sycamore tree, hush  said the leaves and the twinged branches, they locked eyes.  9 months later… there were thousands of children born unto the world, none from Abby or Michelle.  And they were fine with that. 
Chelsea
With her never ending love for children Chelsea Hearty became the Mother Theresa of the 21st century by taking in orphaned and sick children in need of her help. Oft seen with 20 plus children suckling at her teet, she continues to grow her plethora of offspring.  


Sanja
Infamously dating, 8 of the 16 men on the Russian volleyball team, Sanja found her self with more children then even she had initially planned on.  Fed on a diet of squash soup, her children grew up big and strong, though mildly resentful of the tedious nature of their diet.  
Michela
Michela Pescatore-Tardioli is the number one Lady Gaga stalker. She has had too many charges to count and has a restraining order stopping her from coming within 1000 feet from Gaga. This does not stop her from trying to get as close to her as possible whether that be by plane, train, camel or dingo. 
Irene
Irene eats raw bacon and DIES. LOL Jk JK.  That’s only half the story.  For the other half please go search trichinosis on google.
Tim
Jacked up and good to go, this high rolling masters grad knew he had a special calling. Designing culinary artwork in avant garde setting’s, such as O’Keefe Lane, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  His cake themed phallic metaphorical pieces have brought innumerable cultures and persons from different walks of life into a shared enjoyment of finer things.   
Matt
Hugs, warm fuzzies, snuggling under a blanket with a hot cup of cocoa, these are the things people recall of Matt Balega.  T’was in the moon of wintertime when Matt lay basking under the warm glow of the sun, yes, it was a tragic day.  Poor Matt lay within the death ensnaring drop zone of a coconut tree when a singularly time altering stem snapped, releasing 4 kg of potentially life threatening white meat towards dearest Matty.  Then a grenade haplessly placed by a wondering ombudsman exploded, killing matt and rendering the coconut milk useless.  Rest in pieces.  
Mark
Critically acclaimed as a “virtuoso, breaking boundaries left right and center stage”  Mark struck gold when he dropped the trumpet and picked up the electric tambourine.  Going on a sold out Oriental Tour, Mark would have gone on to hit it big in the bourgeoning electric tambourine demographic in North America, had not a boisterous crowd in Pyongyang North Korea resulted in 40,000 citizens been executed for sympathizing with the white devil.  
Lindsay
Writing three best selling books, the most prominent being her first work, The Nutritionist Gustapo, Lindsay turned away from the glitz and glam of the food literature world to seek personal fulfilment through the education of the Mgawai children, in the shanty towns of Nigeria. 

Monday, March 29, 2010

ChatRoulette

It's spreading...

Now an epidemic, chat-roulette has taken O'Keefe by storm.  The plethora of penis, the pantheon of sexual predators... all just a few clicks away!  What more can you ask for?  Thanks to the magic of computer to monitor cables, the whole basement can enjoy video chat with one of these sexual deviants at the same time!

Warning:  May turn oneself into a porn-star.  And an unpaid porn star at that.  

Sunday, March 28, 2010

FORMAL Success


Muchos gracias to all those who helped put together a great formal celebration.  Great performances, great music, great speeches.  The awards were well deserved, though there is some controversy over the recipient's legitimacy in a few cases.    Below are some pictures which we can all appreciate.  Both the boys and girls videos will be posted soon!




Friday, March 5, 2010

Want a Rubber Band Bank in Your Pocket?

http://www.ryerson.ca/currentstudents/awards/pdfs/schol_uw_tedbrock.pdf

The Ted Brock award is now up for grabs for the 09-10 year.  Winner will (probably) be announced during the O'Keefe Formal, (March 20th).

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Gold

 Daniel the Dumb-Bum as he shall now be called, took a metaphorical kick to the vas deferens when, in a picturesque victory, Sidney Crosby sealed the U.S. of A's fate, scoring on Daniel's BFF and bringing home Olympic gold to where it belongs.  SUCK IT DANIEL SUCK IT.

Celebratory pics follow below:














Saturday, February 27, 2010

Emails Between a Man and a Boy-child (commentary by Hooman Samani)


Hello Sean,

The O'Keefe House Rez Council Rep. Michelle Ewing has informed me that spending the full monetary allowance given to each floor president  could be an issue if spent on our end of the year formal celebration.  I trust that as this has not been an issue in any of the past years, and in fact under the exact same management last year it was not a problem, that this is simply some sort of misunderstanding.  I would be more than happy to discuss this issue with Michelle and any of the Rez council executives!

Regards,

       Christopher Taylor

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2 and a half weeks later)
Hi Chris,

Let's talk, as this was an issue last year and we did make it clear that it would be the last year that use of the funds would be allowed. 

When are you back in the city to talk after the break?

Sean
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(10 hours later)
I'll be back in town late this weekend but if we could meet up next
 week that would be great. I'm thinking sometime on Wednesday perhaps?
I've also asked the Residence Life Coordinator to join us for the
meeting so we can get this straightened out.  Let me know your
schedule and we'll work something out.  Thanks.
-Chris
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Chris,

Thanks for the quick response. Next week Wednesday sounds great, however I don't think it would be useful for the Residence Life Coordinator to come. (I've copied Jen on this email for her information.) These are Residence Council funds and as such, Student Housing Services isn't involved in setting these financial policies. Our current policy of a maximum of $40 per event has been set in place by our executive to ensure that funds are used throughout the year in small increments to foster community development over the entire term and not just in one lump sum. We made an exception last year for O'Keefe with the clear stipulation that next year the funds would not be used for just the formal.

In short, the use of these funds are solely under the jurisdiction of the Residence Council Executive, so I look forward to meeting with you next week.

Sean
--
President
Ryerson Residence Council
160 Mutual Street | Toronto, ON | M5B 2M2
sean.carson@ryerson.ca | 705.888.2343
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sean,

I have never heard that the residence floor funds could not be put towards the formal as it has been used for many many years, nor has Michelle, the floor representative.  Therefore is would seem incredibly convenient that you arbitrarily make this decision and not inform anyone until the end of the year.  Regardless I would like to view the official Residence Council Constitution to see if there are any official rules on the matter, because it would seem to me no such rule exists.

 It would also seem inadvisable to have a meeting with just you, Carson, as apparently the funds are under the control of the Residence Executive.  Therefore I would propose that myself and other members of O'Keefe attend the next Residence Council meeting where we can speak with everyone and ask questions such as why we pay fees to residence council but are than denied anything in return?  Or perhaps what the mighty executives would use our stolen money for?

If you believe that cowardly hiding behind fabricated rules and regulations you supposedly adhere to (because we all know you always obey the rules) will make this issue drop, you're dead wrong.

-Chris
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hi Chris,


It's unfortunate you've decided to make this a personal attack on me rather than a discussion about the issues at hand.

Let me be clear. This financial policy is not an "incredibly convenient arbitrary decision" by myself. It has been a continued standing policy of the Executive this year. The policy is that Floor Funds are to be used throughout the year in amounts under $40 per event unless previously approved. This was a policy I instituted last year in an effort to promote more intentional year-long programming by Floor Presidents and to avoid blowing all their money on a big $10 per person floor dinner at spring rolls or using the entire pot of money to subsidize floor clothing. This was actually discussed with the entire O'Keefe Senior Team at a meeting last year with the entire RC Executive at the time after we encountered this issue around your formal spending last year. I am unaware how the communication of that rule to O'Keefe happened this year.

To your second point, you are right that it is not in the constitution (as the constitution as a guiding document would be bogged down by including all the finer points of our operations such as financial fund policies), but it is a standing policy of the Executive and is just as binding as such.

I fear if you choose to pursue this course that this lack of meaningful communication between us could result in an uniformed and unnecessary personal attack on myself in front of the entire Residence Council, which has no perspective or context to the current situation.

I would highly suggest that you, Michelle, myself, Yanna (our VP Finance) and our new incoming President, Kyra Whale meet to sort this out before going to the Residence Council. It would allow us to constructively evaluate the situation and hopefully come to a mutually satisfactory solution. Perhaps we can discuss larger institutional problems with O'Keefe's view of membership within the Residence Council.

I hope to hear back soon,

Sean
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sean,

So sorry that sounded like a personal attack.   I just have trouble fathoming how you expect the O'Keefe dons and floor reps to magically know what policies you've decided to change.  Especially when your rules are not written anywhere, you'd think that at bare minimum there would be some sort of verbal communication to the current leaders.  Anyways if you'd like to avoid taking a bruising in a public debate I'd be happy to meet with Kyra, Yanna, and whoever else you'd deem appropriate from the residence council.  I'll come with Michelle, and next year's don so we can make some sort of arrangement.  You may pick the time and place.

-Chris

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Michelle and Chris,

Let's meet Thursday night at 10pm in room 205 in Pitman Hall. 

Also, if we could meet without the new RLS member, Kyra has requested that we just deal with the current situation on it's own and leave discussing next year's plans and relations between O'Keefe and Residence Council between her and the new house seniors next year on a fresh slate.

Let me know if that works for you,

Sean
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sure.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Quote of the Week

Context:  Malcolm, the self proclaimed champion of mariokart racing on the ole' N64 places third in a race against Alex and Chris.  (Alex takes first place)

  "I need to re-evaulate my entire life"
                               -Malcolm

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Digifever




In the ongoing pursuit to complete the beloved childhood cartoon, Digimon, digifever has struck. On last count 28 episodes of the 52 epic episodes of the first season have been plowed through in record time. Begging the question: Digiwhat digiwould digihappen digiif digievery digiword digiwas digipreceeded digiby digithe digword digidigi?



In other news congrats to Alex Bilodeau and Canada's first gold medal on home turf! As was the lullaby when I grew up in Compton... Braaaaappp!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Welcome

Hello there possible followers! Hopefully this blog will serve as a forum to post photos and stories of the innumerable O'Keefe adventures to come. It will also serve as a place to check to as alumni when facebook and the internal 192.168.0.53/blog just won't do.

The keys to this blog will be given to all O'Keefers so content can always be added by all.